Values I cherish - Xavier James.

INTRODUCTION

Life becomes a meaningful one when it is lived in awareness. Today when I want to know why am I acting or behaving this way there are many agents which are responsible for it. My background, family, bringing up, significant others, other persons, situations and my own reactions are responsible for the way I have grown up. Life teaches many lessons as we go through life. Life is worth living when we retrospect, recollect and reflect.  Here I would like to state my reflections on family values, relationships, dynamics and etc.

BACKGROUND   

I am Xavier James, a Catholic Priest serving in the Archdiocese of Gandhinagar, Gujarat. I hail from Poothurai, Kanyakumari District in Tamilnadu state. My village is the border the states of Kerala and Tamilnadu. I am from a small family, my father expired when I was young, and my mother brought me up single handedly. I have a younger brother who is married and working on the ship. When I was nine years old, my aunt (mother’s elder sister) died and her seven children were left with us and my mother brought them up also. So, we became a big family. Now all of them are married and are ever grateful to my mother. As a young boy I was very interested in social issues and have a special love and concern for the poor. Any issues of Justice and presentation to the superiors would come to me. My sociable and amicable nature helped me to work for the needy. In spite of my Academics during schooling  I used to go for fishing and earn and contribute my mite as a boy. As a young seminarian, whenever I got chances to choose the place of ministry I would choose the tribal villages where I used to spend plenty of time to listen to people and learn their customs and traditions. I used to pick up many proverbs and idioms in their local dialect. I realized that whenever I used them the local people could understand them very well. Thus I could vibrate with the simple people. I used to write down the family data and details of each family in those villages. Whenever I went back to those villages and show them the details and update it they would be surprised. When I was a seminarian, I chose to do Sociology & Psychology in Gujarati. I did very well. We began a sociology association in the college for the first time. We used to organize Quiz programmes at college level, organize visit to different institutions in order to broaden our view on society. As a seminarian, I have stayed for a month, in Kutch for earthquake relief. I have also helped out in the flood relief in Surat. I have worked with the CRS and Carithas. I have worked in the slum parish of Dharavi with the guidance of Fr. Allwyn D’silva. As a deacon, I was instrumental in creating Self Help Groups among the poor people in Vadgam, Gujarat. As a priest, in the school and parish I work with the downtrodden. I study the societal groups in order to understand their mindset. I was the parish priest of Mehsana, Gujarat. I had surveyed the whole parish and taken the data and details which help the whole parish to run smoothly. I am good at organizing programmes which help the people to have a vibrant life in the parish. I worked with Community Care Centre, for HIV/AIDS patients for two years as its director. It was a challenging work. I am here to do my MSW in order to widen my knowledge of the society and to serve it in a better way. When I think of values I strongly feel that they are beliefs or guidelines which help the person to lead a meaningful life. I have learnt many of them from many people and I am indeed grateful to them for making me a better human person. Today I am a happy person because of my effective interaction with other people this also I have learnt from others. My dynamic nature and taking initiative in doing any work has sustained many good relationships. I always act upon ‘relationship first’ in all my dealings. This has shaped my life and made it meaningful one. Here I would like to illustrate some values I derived in my life from my family. 

MEANING OF VALUES

A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful. Whether we are consciously aware of them or not, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from the common place, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more psychological, such as self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose. Values are expressions of emotionalized truths that when implemented energize whatever they come in contact with. Values are psychological objects. Although we cannot see or touch them, they are every bit as real as any physical object (from net on values).

When I had attended the World Social Forum in Mumbai, I was really touched by the new insights i.e. nobody dies or gives his/her life for a religion but for belief. I wondered how it is true even in my life. I have some beliefs which determine my action and behavior. These I hold closely and they become values for me.  

Personal values are those I take for myself and which constitute a critical part of my values and are apparent in attitudes, beliefs, and actions (from net on values). These values guide my steps and give meaning to my existence. My elder sister used to tell me when I was very young that in no time we can get bad name or goodwill but to achieve goodwill you have to work hard throughout your life. Here I would like to state some of my values.

1.SIMPLICITY

I am happy to be born in a simple family with persons who are very simple in their dealing which makes all those who come in contact with us to feel comfortable. When any difficult thing is given to be explained I try my best to simplify it so that it is understood by all. Thus not only in my lifestyle but also even in my explanation and presentation of difficult aspects I practice this value of simplicity. This value or skill makes me dear to many people. Being simple attracts many people to me. This helps people to feel at home with me. Many people who come to our home and in contact with us always have noted that our simplicity touched them a lot. I too in turn like people with simplicity and not those showing off.

2.CONCERN FOR OTHERS

I have imbibed this value from my family. As my mother was ready to serve others and rear my aunt’s children and also took care of us, I too was moved to have the same concern for others. When I have concern and love for others I am happy and satisfied. The whole village praises my mother for her selfless service for the people and for our family. Normally we are concerned about our own selves driven by our own personal motives and ambitions. However the happiest people are those who lose themselves in feelings and thoughts of others. When I am ready to forget myself or deny my vims and fancies in order to do some good for others, I feel that I am a whole person. When I was taking care of the students in the boarding I always felt concerned for them which made me to take care of them as my own. They witness to this value of mine even today. There is a proverb in Tamil which states that if one takes care and feeds the children of the village, his/her children grow up by themselves. This remained the fact through my life.

3.CONTENTMENT 

I believe that when I am content then only I can be of some help to others. When I feel emptiness within me then how can anyone expect me to do any good to others? If some substance is there in the vessel then only we can draw with a spoon, so also a person who has the value of contentment can only serve others. I feel very much satisfied about the opportunities and the hard work I put in. Because of this value I am not so much disturbed with the outer influences. I don’t grieve and mourn over what I don’t have or other’s have. This attitude has helped me to be serene. As the Scripture articulates I am ready to live under all conditions.  

4.HONESTY

It is said that honesty is the best policy. As a young boy I realized the value of being honest. I was sometimes naughty but whenever I was interrogated I would be honest enough to acknowledge and because of which I had to suffer a lot. I noticed some of my companions who never accepted their misdeeds would be free from any punishment. There was some force within me which made me to be honest and sincere because of which I am relied upon by many people. This gives me tremendous joy to be honest though it entails suffering.

5.RESPONSIBILITY & ACCOUNTABILITY

Since my father expired when I was very young, as elder son I had to be the responsible person in the family. I was consulted for the major decisions of the family. I was concerned about settling and the smooth running of the family. This continued even when I joined the seminary and I was entrusted with many important responsibilities. As a young a priest I was made a vice principal of a higher secondary school, priest-in-charge, parish priest, Archdiocesan Youth director and scholarship committee member etc. I am responsible for what I am today. This consciousness has helped me never to forgo my duties and always doing my best in whatever I am given or I take up.

6.TRANSPARENCY

In our family right from the beginning I handle the accounts. I used to write my personal account and also account of the marriage expenditures in our family. Everybody would give their money to me and they rely upon me. I am also economical and use money according to the need. This continued even when I began my journey to priesthood, where I was given charge of the accounts. Almost every year I was in charge of the food for the seminary. Soon after the ordination I was given the accounts of the school and later accounts of 3 different trusts. I deeply feel that I am answerable to God and others. So I am accountable to others for what is entrusted to me.   

7.HARD WORK

I was very much touched by the scripture; St. Paul was a tent maker who also preached the Gospel. In his letter to the Thessalonians 3:10 he says, if a man refuses to work, he should not be given food because besides not working he goes about gossiping and preventing others from working. Because of the family background I wanted to excel in all that I do and take up. So I work hard. It has brought about much success. I hate to see people without inspiration, motivation, and laziness. They become a burden to the society. Through hard work I part take in the creative power of God who is the creator.

8. RESPECT FOR OTHERS

Every person is special, unique, and individual, this makes me to tolerate others and be patient with others in their limitations. The respect for others brings tremendous power of generating good will, happiness and achievements. Whenever I meet others and listen to their life stories and success stories this helps me to have reverence to people. Personal interaction helps me to transform myself. I don’t respect people just because they have money, power and position but for the persons they are and for their love. 

9.CONSISTENCY

When I make a commitment I try my best to be faithful and continuous in doing my work. Consistency helps people to rely upon me and I prize this value very much. Stability in whatever I do and take up gives me joy and worth.

10.PUNCTUALITY

Punctuality is very important in my life. Since I value others I should give their respect. Hence I don’t go late and try my best to be early. I strongly feel that being punctual makes people to trust me.

11.LIFE

I strongly believe that life is a gift from God and I have to make use of this life for the good of myself and others. I am also entrusted to nurture life and to stand for life. I want to live this life fully. I respect the life of others. God has taken care of my life and I have to give my best in safe guarding the life of others. 

12.LOVE

God in his steadfast love has given me this life so that I may have enabling and ennobling love. It is my love for myself, others and God makes me a full human person. True and genuine love represents God. In loving that I become fully human.  Since I received genuine love from others I want to share that love with others.  i.e When I was in Mehsana parish I used to take the sick-boarding boys to the Hospital in my own Jeep and visit the aged people.I am pampered at home whenever I am at home my mother and sisters would come and pop something into my mouth to eat in order to show their love and last week my sister was telling that God did not give us money but he has given love and that is being shared. Through this sharing we are still united as one family.

13.HARMONY & TRANQUILITY

We are unique and we are different yet we come together to bring about harmony and peace which helps the world to move smoothly and gently. Harmony is a noble value. People of different belief system come together and want to work for common good. Everybody wants to be in peace. Nobody likes disputes, dissention, fight and war. I have imbibed this value from the Sacred Scripture and the teaching of the Church. Though we are many in the family with different mentality and mindset still we live in harmony and serenity. This helps me to be the same in my day today life.

14.INTEGRITY

I should say what I mean and do. I don’t like to say something and do something else. I always believe that I lose my authenticity if I act such a way and people will get wrong signal about me. What I tell others I try my best to practice. This boosts self worth and respect of myself.

15.RECONCILIATION

Forgiveness and mending relationship I learnt to practice. This gives me a sense of joy and satisfaction to be at ease with others. If there is any bitterness in relationship it has to be talked and resolved so that relationship and communication become effective and pleasant. I cannot have any ill feeling and be comfortable. I always try to forgive person who hurt me so that I can be at peace and enjoy the fullness of life. This is also a lived value of our family. They never keep any ill feelings against others and forgive others. This helps us to see others as God sees.

16.RELATIONSHIP

I strongly believe that my God is a God of relationship. Myself as his creature must follow in enhancing relationship. I become whole in my relationship with others. I have good relationship with others from the beginning which helps people to feel free with me. During the vacations our home looks like a wedding house with so many people. So many people come to our home as guests and really envy the loving relationship we have.   

17.HUMILITY

Humility is to surrender to God. It is not to be understood as neglecting or negation of the power within us but to acknowledge that power is not from us and it is from God through us. This value is liked by many people and many who practice it spread the fragrance of God. I have tried to value this since it is essential for the experience of God. This cannot be achieved over night but to be tried and cultivated every day.

CONCLUSION

Today I am a happy person because of my past experiences and even not so pleasant become good due to my positive outlook. I am able to adapt myself according to the varying situations. I am able to participate in the joys and sorrows of people, which makes me one with the people. Thus the values and dynamics help me to be a better person. I am still growing and need to learn from life. What I have learnt is considered to and measured the wrist full of mud whereas what I have not learnt can be measured to the whole world.

Bibliography: CAESAR, D’MELLO. The formation of Conscience: Jeevadhara, Ed.John Padipurackal,Vol.XXXIV